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Especially during the
Christmas season, "home" is a word most people associate
with the warmth and security of family. It's a place grown
children travel many miles to return to, going "home for
the holidays" to the place they recall growing up among
siblings and friends in a place and with people that will
remain forever dear to hearts however old or young.
"Home" for others, however, lacks the secure definition of
belonging that gives "home for the holidays" its charm.
For a variety of reasons, there are many children for whom
"home" is more akin to "hope", an anchor of opportunity
amid a sea of despair. These are the children who make
their home with those who have chosen to foster the
children others have born but are unable, either
temporarily or permanently, to provide an adequate home
for.
In 1986, Youth Villages sought to improve the lot for such
children when Memphis-based Dogwood Village combined with
Memphis Boys Town to create a new nonprofit organization
in an effort that, through years of continuous striving,
has led to programs that have become a model for other
providers nationwide, by 1998 achieving the status of
"accreditation with commendation", the highest level of
accreditation granted by the Joint Commission on
Accreditation of Health Care Organizations.
In 2000, the Franklin Covey Company named Youth Villages
as the recipient of its Humanitarian Service Award. In the
same year, the organization was cited as a national model
by the American Youth Policy Forum in Washington, D.C. and
by the National Coalition for Juvenile Justice.
Currently, Youth Villages serves over 2,000 troubled
children and their families each year in 19 cities
throughout Tennessee, Mississippi, Arkansas, Alabama and
Texas, employing more than 902 counselors, teachers, and
skilled support staff in programs using only treatment
philosophies that have proven effective in helping
children and their families find long-term success.
In some 16 years, Youth Villages' dedication and
commitment to "helping troubled children and their
families find success" has grown to include vital programs
and services including: Home-Based Counseling, Residential
Treatment, Therapeutic Foster Care and Adoption,
Community-Based Services, Transitional Living Services,
Outpatient Psychiatric Care, and Family-Based Care for
Children with Developmental Disabilities.
One of the most influential of these programs has been the
Therapeutic Foster Care Program, giving children the
chance to be part of a family in which they can grow to
their full potential.
In Carroll County, families have risen to the challenge
provided by these youngsters, opening hearts and homes to
children whose behavior often reflects the conflicts of
their young lives.
"You can see the anxiety on their faces when they first
come," says Daniel Williams of Huntingdon who, along with
his wife Joyce, have been foster parents to four children
between the ages of seven and 17 as well as providing a
"respite home" for foster children based in other homes,
giving the foster family "breathing space" from each other
for a short interval.
When one of their foster children seemed to do nothing but
sleep for the first two weeks in her new setting, Joyce
helped her through her depression by sitting down and
talking with her one day. "We started working together,"
Joyce says softly, recounting the accomplishments she has
made since those early days. "She's done real well in
school; we've been real proud of her."
Foster parents Joyce and Daniel Williams of
Huntingdon enjoy an afternoon with their natural
granddaughter, 12-month-old Lauren Grace. |
Daniel and Joyce explain that while the anger inside
these children is often all too apparent, "something you
can also see is that no matter how bad their parents have
treated them, the children want to love them."
Joyce sadly recalls one child who left messages on her
mother's answering machine every day, sharing tidbits
about her life in calls that were never returned. Another
time, Joyce described the heartache of a small girl who
maintained a watchful vigil from the windows of the
Children's Services office as she awaited a scheduled
visit with her mother, who never appeared.
Joyce applied band aids of friendship to lessen the
pain of both girls' wounds, providing caring support for
the teen while distracting the small child's inconsolable
pain with the distraction of eating out for lunch and then
shopping, letting her pick out Christmas presents at the
dollar store, simple pleasures that earned a response of,
"This is the best day I've ever had!" on what was likely
one of the worst.
"You don't take the place of parents," says Daniel,
explaining the foster care relationship, "You just have to
kind of be there. The most important thing is, they have
to become not fearful and feel safe before they can start
moving in any direction."
Daniel and Joyce admit foster parenting can be difficult.
"I'll tell you this, you have to be ready to give a lot,"
he says, "Joyce is constantly at school, picking them up
somewhere, or taking them to treatments."
Joyce agrees, recalling that in their first five months of
fostering she spent more time at school than during the
entire childhood of her three natural children, all of
whom are now grown.
"They just try to get attention in some way, they're just
devoid of attention," explains Daniel who has also
fostered children who had never learned basic manners, who
ate with their hands or who took food to their rooms,
having experienced times in their lives when there was not
enough food to eat.
"They do need a lot of extra attention and extra time,"
Joyce adds.
The stability provided by foster care can be tenuous even
in the best of situations, as Daniel describes the process
of trying to heal disrupted families. "Foster children
have struggles all their lives; they have to go back in
bad environments now and then and when they come back
after going home for a week, they have to readjust."
The supportive atmosphere foster parents provide to
children frustrated by instability and physical, emotional
abuse or neglect is bolstered by the support Youth
Villages provides the foster family on a 24 hour a day
basis. "They're really good about being there," nods Joyce
knowingly, "There's a phone number you can call 24 hours a
day and you'll use it, trust me; weekends, anywhere, when
you call somebody will be there for you."
Despite having a full plate of activities before them
already - Daniel is postmaster in Union City and Joyce
worked full-time at Dr. Salazar in the Huntingdon Medical
Associates Clinic until recently, plus being grandparents
to five little girls and parents to three grown children -
Joyce says foster parenting is "just something we talked
about for a long time; we wanted to do something good, and
what's better than helping children?"
They had a role model in James and Lucy Avalon who, the
Williams say, over many years of Sundays brought a long
line of foster children to church with them. Though James
has passed away, "Mrs. Lucy" still provides for foster
children, relates Joyce.
Part of being a successful foster parent, James says, is
"building a bond of dependency and trust with the
Department of Children's Services and Youth Villages. "I
think they feel real comfortable with us now," he says.
The Williams plan to continue offering their home and
hearts to children in need. "We really have enjoyed it,"
Joyce states sincerely, "You just have to hope you make
some difference in their lives, even if you don't see it
right now."
Another Carroll County foster family, headed up by William
(Willie) and Angela Bryant of Trezevant, is hard to
distinguish from a natural family. "Everybody just assumes
she is our birth daughter, we favor so much," smiles
Angela, looking at the 15-year-old who has shared her home
for the past four months.
Willie and Angela Bryant share an emotional and
heartfelt family hug with their foster-daughter of
four months. |
The Bryants, like the Williams, had "always talked about
foster care or adoption" after meeting and marrying later
in life (Willie is 50, Angela 38) almost five years ago.
The two had an unexpected bout as foster parents early on
when Angela's friend experienced post-partum depression
after giving birth to her daughter. The Bryants cared for
the baby for seven months while the mother recovered.Giving up a child you've come to love deeply, Angela
admits, "is always hard even when you know going into it
that it's going to happen one day." She accepts the
heartaches that go with foster parenting, gaining comfort
in doing "the right thing for the right reason" to give a
child a "foot up or just a foot hold."
"She just needed safe place to be until her mom was okay,"
she says.
After she and Willie passed the extensive background check
required to become a foster parent, as well as intensive
classroom training, the two, along with other new foster
parents, watched a videotape featuring children who needed
placement in a foster home.
"When I saw that tape I started crying," says Angela who
admits she lives in a "sappy home" with frequent
heart-felt tears of happiness adding shine to both her
cheeks and those of her foster daughter. "At our initial
meeting, we looked at each other she said. 'I don't want
you to leave I want to go home with you.'" Willie's smiles
corroborate his own satisfaction with the foster parenting
experience, although all admit the family has seen good
days and bad.
"We've been through the trials and tribulations of, 'It's
going to end anyway I may as well be the one to end it',"
admits Angela, "But most of the issues we've seen are just
typical teenage behaviors. Our home is pretty much the
same as any household where they have teenagers."
No corporal punishment is allowed in foster care families
sponsored by Youth Villages, a fact the Bryants are in
agreement with. "She hates being grounded," Angela says,
who expounds that her foster daughter is learning
appropriate discipline, and that discipline and punishment
are two different things.
Helping her learn responsibility is the four-month-old
puppy, Dixie, that Angela and her foster daughter adopted
from its former owner on a cold morning in front of
Wal-Mart. "She was my first puppy," beams the foster
daughter (whose name must be withheld due to
confidentiality laws.) She gets up in the middle of the
night to let Dixie outside when needed and takes care of
her physical and playtime needs.
She has also learned a lot about relationships since
becoming a foster child for the first time at the age of
five. "When a parent gives you up, that doesn't mean they
don't love you," she explains sensibly, "They just can't
take care of you and are just trying to get you a better
home."
However, she acknowledges, "For me, foster care hasn't
been that good experience until I came here." Prompted by
Angela to expound on what that means, she advises, "Don't
give up."
More advice she has for children and teens everywhere
includes, "If something bad happens, go tell someone. They
(parents or foster parents) can't fix it if they don't
know what's wrong - or help you fix it."
Although her counselor advised her not to "get too close"
in case the relationship doesn't work out, the three
residents of the Bryant home are all hopeful and confident
of success. "They haven't gave up on me yet," says the
Bryant foster-daughter, "That encourages me a lot to keep
going. It would've hurt if they didn't give me a chance;
I'd still be at Dogwood Village in Memphis."
Like the Williams, the Bryants had a mentor in Angela's
friend and supervisor, Kim Cunningham, co-owner of Kimro
Manufacturing Company in Trezevant. Kim and her husband
Richard have been foster parents to four children since
entering the program several years ago.
Willie is an audio engineer who has toured most recently
with Ricky Van Shelton as well as other music stars like
Doug Stone, Toby Keith, Highway 101, Brooks and Dunn, and
the Bellamy Brothers.
Foster parents are a diverse group with a single-minded
goal of providing a caring, nurturing environment for
children needing a home.
Says Angela, "I've always been encouraged that our
children are our future. Without them having a home, a
safe place to be, there is no future; it's like trying to
grow daisies in concrete, it's not going to happen. These
kids need someone to love them, they need a home. Some are
physically handicapped, some are emotionally handicapped.
There are kids of all ages, all nationalities and every
situation you can think of that just need a home."
For more information about becoming a foster parent
through Youth Villages, call the Paris office at
731-642-1000 or see www.youthvillages.org. |
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