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FEATURE FOR
WEDNESDAY, MAY 1, 2002
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Mary Merten's Recipe for Happiness |
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Mary shares memories from a scrapbook, "Friends are
Forever", that was given to her my friends and
family when she moved to Tennessee from Illinois. |
"Mary Merten collects angels because she is one," says
Patsy Kemp, City Recorder for the Town of Henry. Mary was
an angel who had lost her wings, however, until Patsy and
other friends, Tim Reeves and Candice Bohnert, helped her
find them.
She sits in her living room telling the story wearing a
pretty blue shirt that says, "I collect angels, I started
with my kids." That she collects angels is obvious, from
the large, beautifully sculptured angel in her yard to the
winged teddy bears that share the couch with her.
It took awhile before she found the real "angels" in her
life. Born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, her father was
originally from Czechoslovakia and her mother from East
Chicago, Indiana. When their marriage ended in divorce
when Mary was seven years old and her brother, Marty, was
five, life got a little harder.
Two years later, in 1942, the societal changes wrought by
the outflux of men during World War II brought more
changes when her mother began working for the Pullman
Aircraft Company. At the church's suggestion, Mary says,
she and her brother were placed in an orphanage of sorts
in Madison, Illinois, where she remained until age 15.
They weren't alone, sharing the home with around 500 other
girls and boys, and it was not all bad, Mary stresses.
Still, she was happy when her brother "got very lucky",
being placed in a good foster home after graduating from
the eighth grade.
Her own experience with foster care was less fruitful.
When she paid a trial visit to her prospective foster
mother's home at Christmas time, a present of a cupie doll
seemed promising, but once in the home full time, she
found the woman merely "wanted someone to take with her
tavern to tavern."
"I was raised with religion all those years," she says, "I
didn't feel I should be in that environment at the ripe
old age of 14."
She was in the hospital recuperating from a bout with
appendicitis when she called her social worker and said
she didn't want to go back to the home. "My father raised
all kinds of hallelujah," Mary said, explaining that her
mother retained custody while her father was charged with
financing the children's expenses while they lived in the
"orphanage".
So Mary was allowed to return to familiar surroundings
until the following year, when she began living at the
Mary Bethany Girls' Club when she was fifteen, working for
the Montgomery Ward Company to pay her $8.00 per week room
and board.
"I loved it there - we had three squares a day and they
packed lunch for you - we lived the life of normal kids,"
she says. Becoming an "adult" at age eighteen meant she
had to leave the Club, however, and she eventually moved
in with her mother and stepfather until she got married
the same year.
"I was 18 and thought I knew the whole wide world," she
says. By the time she divorced, she had five children to
take care of with no child support. She held two jobs,
working from 9:00 each morning until 3:00 the following
morning.
It was at one of her jobs that Mary met Ray Mertens, who
at 38 years old had never married. The two fell in love
and married in 1971.
"He took me and the five brood and raised all of us; gave
us everything in the world," Mary says, still in awe of
her husband. "I was 38 years old when life really began. I
was treated like I was a queen. He never called me by my
name, it was always 'his sweet young bride' or 'mama'."
By this time, Charmaine, her oldest child, was 19.
Christine was 17; James was 16; and Michael and Robert
were ten and nine years old. So sweet was the relationship
among the new family that when Christine was approaching
her 18th birthday, her one wish was to have her
stepfather's last name. He petitioned the court with her
and her birthday wish was fulfilled.
For the first time, Mary had a home she could call her
own. "We lived in the woods, it was gorgeous," she says,
recalling the two-story redwood home with the creek than
ran through the back yard where she would often see deer
and raccoons.
As the years passed, Mary began caring for many people in
her life: her aging grandfather and her mother as well as
her brother's foster mom. It was a ministry of sorts that
she welcomed with her nurturing nature. She enjoyed baking
and cooking not only for family but for anyone whose life
she could touch with food and friendship.
She had first met her brother's foster mother, Anne
Kluever, when Mary was seventeen. "I was scared to death,"
she laughs. Mrs. Kluever was a businesswoman who
entertained frequently, and when Mary arrived for dinner,
she didn't know what to make of the water goblet and all
the silverware. Her fears were soon put to rest, however,
and in later years she and Mrs. Kluever became very good
friends. That she passed away last year leaves Mary with
tears of sadness.
Even as she cared for others, her own home was visited by
the specter of ill health when, in addition to her
husband's diabetes, Mary began an ordeal on the 4th of
July, 1986 from which it initially seemed she would not
recover.
"I had inoperable lung cancer," she relates, a condition
that was discovered when the glands in her neck became so
swollen that she thought she had mumps. An X-ray showed
lungs so riddled with cancer that her doctor told Ray she
might not live another week. But with his support, she
endured 45 radiation treatments and a year of chemotherapy
to become a cancer survivor.
Throughout her treatment, she continued ministering to the
needs of others. She didn't have a choice, she says, it
was live or die. "My oncologist said 99% of cancer
treatment is your attitude, so I didn't give anything up;
I just kept going because I couldn't give in. My husband
needed me, my mom needed me, I still took care of them and
the kids, but my husband was with me every step of the way
or I would never have made it."
She had kicked the cigarette habit a year before the
diagnosis was made and has been cigarette-free for 16
years now.
Her husband didn't fare as well when he fell down some
steps and broke his leg. From March until July he was in a
wheelchair while the couple tried to live a normal life.
Mary continued to care for others but gave her husband
special treatment. They traveled to Michigan to do some of
the things they used to do, visiting the fruit orchards
and restaurants.
Family and friends threw the couple a surprise 20th
anniversary party at "Brian's Place" in Monee, Illinois,
where Chrissy (Christine) worked and which was owned by
people who had become friends over the years.
One day in July, Mary woke Ray to find his leg was
bleeding. At the hospital, he was admitted to a "heart
bed", the serious complications of his unhealing wound
having infected his body. "He had blood poisoning and I
didn't know it," Mary cried, heart broken. He passed away
that month in 1991, when Mary was given the heartrending
duty of agreeing to discontinue life support systems.
She was rescued from the depths of despair by Brian Cann
and his wife Mary, the owners of Brian's Place. "Don't sit
home by yourself," Mary counseled, "How about doing tacos
for Monday night football?"
Mary started making tacos in a crock-pot at the
establishment. When Brian's moved to a new building, a
full kitchen meant the restaurant side of the business
could be expanded.
"His menu says I helped him start the food business," Mary
beams. Sure enough, in the scrapbook, "Friends are
Forever", that was given to her by her friends when she
moved to Tennessee is a menu giving credit to "Tennessee
Taco Mary" for her part in the business.
"Taco Mary" was a name Mary earned from her work and as a
way of distinguishing her from Brian's wife, Mary. The
"Tennessee" part came harder.
Kitty, a former neighbor and long-time friend who had
moved to Tennessee, advised Mary the move would be good
for her as well. Mary and her friend, Smitty, who had also
lived in Tennessee, began making the trip south every
other weekend to look for the right place for her to live.
On Labor Day weekend in 1995, she made the move.
The change was harder than Mary had expected. Unable to
find her niche, she spent many days and months crying,
homesick for the life she had left behind.
"I was on the go and active all the time in Illinois," she
says. Eventually, things came together.
"The very first person that became my friend here was the
postmaster, Sabrina Pritchett," she says. "We adopted each
other. I'm her adopted mother and she's my adopted
daughter." Mary met Sabrina on an errand to the post
office, and "something just clicked with the two of us,"
Mary recalls. "She was under the weather, so I'd do her
shopping for her and see to it that she ate right; this
kind of thing makes me feel good."
Another milestone was reached when Mary met Candice
Bohnert. "That was a blessing right there," Mary says.
Candice took her to the Henry City Hall where she met
Patsy Kemp and Tim Reeves, who was police chief at the
time. Meeting these friends was a gift from heaven for
Mary, who finally found a comfortable role in her new
home.
Mary explains: "Patsy and Tim said, 'Now Miss Mary, how
would you like to do a Christmas party for needy kids?'"
Mary jumped at the opportunity to help with the event that
was sponsored by the Henry Police Department, knowing she
needed something to keep her mind and hands occupied, with
her heart right there alongside them.
Mary did "all the footwork" for the party, baking and
visiting. "It made me feel really great," she says.
The party was a great success in 2000, and 2001 was even
better, with new volunteers added to the crew including
her children in Illinois, a friend named Bob who had moved
south, and Dwayne Rowland from Ace's Pizza who played
Santa.
Patsy had spent time during the summer going to garage
sales, where one lady donated "a whole bunch of clothes."
Other donations arrived, with one alderman and his wife
donating Fischer Price toys.
The celebration gained a partner when the People's
Telephone Company in Henry donated all the toys they had
collected to the effort. Miss Dinna Erdely, Henry's "Avon
Lady" helped with the food, and for the second year Laura
Israel wrapped gifts.
Thirty happy children went home with belly full of good
food and their arms full of toys, stuffed animals, good
used clothing and new items like watches and bags of candy
as well as fruit provided by the McCarthy Brothers Produce
Company in Paris.
"We're already collecting for next year," Mary says. She
encourages people who would like to contribute to call
Patsy at Henry City Hall.
Christmas was the beginning of Mary's work. This March she
helped fill plastic Easter eggs for the town Easter egg
hunt, and cooked 150 cupcakes, 6 tubes of cookies and
several cakes to help feed hungry workers during Henry's
"Clean-up Day."
She and Smitty, also a cancer survivor, are also active in
helping with Steve McCadams Casting for Kids event at
Carroll Lake and other Relay for Life events. "I took that
(Relay for Life Survivor's) walk last year and cried all
the way around the track," she says.
She is surprised and appreciative of the emphasis
communities place on surviving cancer thanks to Relay for
Life, citing the annual "Cancer Survivor's Day" held in
December in Paris each year, an event sponsored by Barbara
Roberts. "It's a great party," she says, telling about the
good food that is served and the gifts everyone receives.
She finds it amazing "to think somebody would think that
much of cancer survivors."
She is excited about going home to Illinois next month for
a wedding, looking forward to seeing friends and family.
Later in the month, other family members will be visiting.
With August comes the biggest treat of all, however.
"We're going to have a three-in-one birthday party," she
says enthusiastically. "My daughter, Charmaine, will be 50
on August 17; Chrissy will be 48 on August 2, and I will
be 39 and holding on August 5." Anyone who wants to know
her true age can do the math, since she's not telling. The
party will be appropriately held at Brian's Place with all
the boys chipping in on the affair.
While she waits impatiently for those happy days to
arrive, she busies herself crocheting baby blankets for
her great-grandchildren and for Kitty's first great
grandchild who is soon to arrive. Mary will be great
grandmother for the third time in December.
Her recipe for happiness is simple: "Tacos," she says,
"Stay busy and help other people. To me that is the most
important thing: to help one another. You've got to do
things for other people; don't just think of yourself.
That's the best medicine in the world." |
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Phone (731) 352-3323 or Fax (731)
352-3322
washburn@mckenziebanner.com
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