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She's a vessel to be filled, like a magnet drawing
those who need to spill the concerns of their worlds
into her. Then, with a touch and a smile, she pours
back into them pure love and understanding - hope for
their hearts; a promise that they can have her selfsame
peace and joy.
Some 250 women - representing at least 21 churches,
some from as far away as Georgia, Texas, Ohio, and
Arkansas - gathered at First Baptist Church in
Huntingdon Friday evening and Saturday morning, April
16 and 17, to partake of the fellowship and blessing of
First Baptist Church Huntingdon's eighth annual Women's
Conference. There, three-time Dove Award winner Bonnie
Keen, who also won an Emmy for her discussion of "The
Whirlpool of Depression" on the television show, "On
Main Street", shared the "messy" details of her life in
testimony and song, revealing that even she had been
plunged into the fires of pride, rejection, divorce,
loneliness, financial hardship, despair, and
depression, to emerge victorious.
Eager to hear the story of the woman whose effervescent
personality and blonde beauty resembles actress Goldie
Hawn both in her brilliant smile and appealingly ditzy
demeanor, the diverse group gathered in the sanctuary,
after a delicious meal, where the church's first lady,
Lois Ward, acknowledged that frustrations, trials and
troubles abound in life.
"That's the reason the Lord sent Bonnie Keen to us this
weekend," Lois smiled, radiant in a red dress that
reflected the color scheme of the conference. She
announced the theme for the gathering as "Hope for the
Heart" and offered the key verse as Romans 15:13: "May
the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you
trust in Him." Expanding the selection to relate the
fruits of that trust, she continued, "so that you may
overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit."
After taking the stage, Bonnie warmed up the audience,
calling the conference an "S-fest" (Estrogen Festival).
Recruiting several fellow blondes from the audience,
the troupe performed a "step-kick" to Bonnie's remake
of "If I only had a brain", her version entitled, "If I
only weren't a blonde."
Quoting John 10:10, which states, "He came to give us
life in its fullness", she shared that, as a child,
she'd been terrified of God in whom, experienced
through the ascetic interpretation of her church, was
reflected none of the saving grace or freedom of
expression in worship she has since come to treasure.
Among those in attendance at the conference was a woman
Bonnie was eager to introduce as a beloved friend: a
pretty, fresh-faced brunette in whose countenance was
reflected peace and joy: Diana Autry.
Years ago, the two found themselves sharing life
stories during an event early in Bonnie's new marriage
to recording engineer/producer Brent King. Sharing her
own deep valleys, she was unprepared for Diana's story.
After 23 years in an abusive marriage, Diana believed
she had remarried a man who loved her and her adult
children. In time, however, she came home early from
church to discover him in illicit liaison with her
oldest daughter. Separated from her child, and
eventually her grandchild, she struggled against
emotions of shame and grief, her prayer always for
reunion with her daughter. On Monday this week, Diana
completed her master's degree after using the pursuit
of an education in social work to augment God's
healing, not only for herself, but as an avenue to
minister to others. In December, Bonnie sang at Diana's
wedding.
Bonnie recounts her own story as a path to a closer
walk with Jesus.
"Because of my risen Savior I have gone through a lot
of valleys," she shared, recounting an unwanted divorce
following her first husband's affair. Two years after
the divorce that took place when their children,
Courtney and Graham, were six and two, he married the
other woman.
The experience humbled Bonnie, who admits she had
previously looked down her nose at divorced women,
thinking "Loser!"
"I would see single parents and think, 'Those kids are
going to be ruined... I would never find myself in that
situation.'"
Since then, she's been through more; things she "never
thought would ever happen" to her; things God has used
"to speak hope to other people."
She uses various avenues to transmit that hope. One is
through her music: she is one of the founding members
of the celebrated Christian singing group, "First
Call", as well as enjoying a successful solo career.
She is also the author of two books: "Blessed Are the
Desperate" (a record of her journey through depression
to "lasting peace and joy") and "God Loves Messy
People: Finding Hope When Things Go Wrong", an
anthology of the messed up lives of people from the
Bible along with her own story and stories of people
she has met, like Diana; people who have triumphed
through incredible challenges.
She cautioned women, who seem to compare their lives to
those of others who appear "so full of peace that you
think they could never have gone through anything in
their life," to realize many have endured untold
hardships.
Jesus recognized those whose lives were fraught with
turmoil. "He loved to go up to messy women," said
Bonnie, explaining she believes that, in a world where
women were second class citizens, He enjoyed showing
them He loved them, because they were and are daughters
of the King.
"I believe Jesus is the very heart of God," she
declared, "so we would know the heart of God."
She illustrated the way women struggle with themselves
internally, calling down their nobler purposes with
self-talk that diminishes their scope of experience and
calling, using an alter-ego of herself, called Lois,
with whom she wages open debates, with "Lois" performed
by herself in pre-filmed sequences.
At Lois' alarm, projected on the wall of the sanctuary,
Bonnie calmed her fears and focused her energies by
claiming God's promises of grace, discounting Lois'
negative images of growing older, societal fears of
disaster and destruction, and personal inadequacies.
Bonnie compared her own self-esteem issues to the woman
in Luke 8 who was an outcast, considered unclean during
12 years of continuous bleeding. When she heard about
Jesus' healing, she braved the crowds to follow Him,
desperate for His healing touch. From the dust at His
feet, she touched the hem of His robe, His healing
power surging into her, apparently so powerfully that,
as her bleeding stopped, He recognized the touch.
"Someone touched me," He said, and upon discovering
her, pronounced, "Daughter, your faith has healed you.
Go in peace."
Marveling that the woman could have been one of the
women at the cross the day Jesus was crucified, and
declaring she would also have been a "Jesus groupie" in
His days on earth, Bonnie sang the incredible song,
"Every Drop of Red" that she co-wrote with Lowell
Alexander. One stanza of the song speaks of the healing
of souls that still takes place today: "Healing flowed
like a river; It was scarlet love that He bled; And the
world was changed like black to white; With every drop
of red."
Five years after her divorce, Bonnie revisited the
anger and despair wrought by the imperfections and
infidelity of her own failed marriage, when one of the
three members of First Call (who had taken the place of
one of the original members) - previously a source of
stability in Bonnie's life - was discovered to be
romantically involved with another married performer.
The betrayal and repercussions upon the entire
membership of First Call, compounded by Bonnie's
loneliness and a string of failed engagements as she
sought desperately to regain the seeming security and
affirmation of self worth that she perceived as
synonymous with marriage, sent Bonnie spiraling into
depression.
"Debt began piling up over my head; I felt like such a
failure," she shared.
But she reminded listeners of the time Jesus fed 5,000
men, besides the women and children present, with five
loaves of bread and two fishes. Even more miraculously,
after the multitude had eaten, Jesus had the disciples
gather the fragments that were left, so that nothing
was wasted. Twelve baskets of scraps were gathered.
"I felt like the fragments of my life were wasted,"
said Bonnie, who in like manner gathered together the
pieces of her life, surrendering them to God in an
effort that granted her a harvest greater than that
when she had considered herself whole.
She recounted her pastor advising her, "Bonnie, dreams
are good to have but if you don't take the throne of
marriage off your heart and put God back on it, you're
going to be in trouble."
"A dream clutched too tightly can become an idol,"
Bonnie advised the group, reminding them of Jesus'
words: "Seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his
righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto
you."
In an amazing performance that drove home her message,
she sang "Isaac", a soul-stirring ballad she wrote, a
portion of which imparts: "And in that hour, and in
that time;
When I must lose my will in Thine; O my allegiance will
be found; The day I lay my Isaac down. Grant me a faith
beyond all doubt; Whose flames of hope cannot burn out;
Let mercy flow and grace abound; The day I lay my Isaac
down. Sweet lamb of love, most blessed friend; Nailed
to the altar for my sin; Where in my place God's son
was bound; The day He laid His Jesus down."
After recounting the New Century version of Isaiah
57:15 that, she said, proclaims, "God lives forever and
is holy; He's high and lifted up. 'I give new life to
those who are humble; everyone whose hearts are
broken'", she shared also the words of C.S. Lewis, who
said, "Crisis is an atmosphere of miracles for God."
Scenes from the
Conference
Bonnie led the audience in singing "Blessed
Assurance" a capella, then sang another song she also
wrote, "You Will Cover Me", the verses of which began
as a prayer in her early days of single-parenthood. A
few of the powerful stanzas are: "Oh love that will not
let me go; I rest my broken heart in Thee; I give Thee
back the life I owe; That in mine ocean depths its flow
may richer, fairer be. Mercy washed away every sin-worn
stain; You have washed me clean; You have borne my
shame. Let my soul lay down and find rest in Thee; For
You wash me, wash me clean. Sweet forgiveness flows
from your crimson cross; Healing every wound, gaining
every loss. Let me live a life that has been set free;
For you touch me, touch me deep; Oh how your love, it
does cover me."
Saturday morning, the women rejoined for breakfast at
the church, somewhat reduced in number as the first
days of soccer, t-ball and other sports took precedence
over the women's "me" time, fully sanctioned by Bonnie
who advised, "Don't miss a moment of (your children's)
lives."
She advised the attentive group that the weekend
conference was a sweet gift to her; a prelude to a
performance on a singles cruise, consequence, she was
certain, to the fact that she was such an "abysmal
failure" at it. Following the cruise, she will
accompany the original members of First Call on a trip
to Israel. Her anxieties concerning the ventures
amounted, she said, to "the enemy trying to take some
of my joy from the cruise, and hopefully I won't get
shot in Israel."
Still, she counseled, it is important to learn how to
set Godly boundaries.
"'I can do all things through Christ,' but are we
supposed to do every single thing?" she challenged,
urging each woman to repeat to the one next to her,
"Congratulations, you're being selfish."
She referred to the fourth commandment - remember the
Sabbath day, to keep it holy - as "the lost
commandment", calling the group's attention to one
denomination in which the women actively prepare for
the Sabbath on the previous day, so as to have no
cooking or cleaning to do on their Sunday; nothing to
do that day other than "be together and celebrate the
Lord."
"God rested on the seventh day, not because he had to
rest," Bonnie said, "I think he gave us an example to
follow - but do we ever rest?"
"When we don't rest, we leave ourselves open to
darkness and depression," she said, allowing that
depression carries a stigma when "basically it's
emotions worn right out."
Depression is all through the Bible, she went on. "We
were created for a perfect garden - emotionally,
physically, spiritually - to walk with God in a perfect
garden. We weren't wired for cancer, children dying too
soon, divorce, car accidents, death, betrayal and lies
and hurtful words."
Recalling the circumstances of Jesus' last hours, she
said, "I believe Jesus understood despair and he
overcame it."
And, she said, we must model for our children taking
some "down time", particularly to honor the Sabbath.
In the midst of her deepest depression, when she was
barely able to breathe, her pastor reminded her of the
paralyzed man who was lowered through the roof to
Jesus.
"Tell some of your closest friends to lower you in
prayer each day," he advised.
In time, fighting her faith as she grappled with
depression, she was finally able to understand His
message for her: "This is exactly why I came; yoke
yourself to Me; My burden is easy and light because
I've taken it to the cross for you."
"There's no place too dark for the Lord to meet you,"
she declared.
She also confessed a proclivity to depression when she
doesn't "internally take time to be with God."
"I give you permission in the name of Jesus to say no
to some things," she said, before launching into the
upbeat tune, "Lay It Down", which counsels, in part,
"Your past won't be coming back around, You're walking
on brand new ground, Just lay it down."
Later, charging each woman to "live in the special,
miraculous moment we have right now," she sang "When
the Now Begins," generating spontaneous applause from
an audience in tune with its lyrics: "Too many days
lost in the past; Our purest passion spent on things
that will not last; The truest treasures we will know;
Are in each moment that unfolds. Another day to follow;
Another chance to drink it in; Before it's over; Until
the brave tomorrow; Before this very hour ends. We're
drawing closer; And through the joy and through the
tears; Embrace the day and hold it near; It will not
pass this way again; Then maybe we'll discover; A
miracle uncovered; When the now begins. If we could see
with simple eyes; The fleeting glimpses of forever in
our lives; It might convince our restless hearts; To
find contentment where we are."
"Our lives are precious; not a moment should be
wasted," said Bonnie at the conclusion of the song.
She further counseled that feelings do not determine
faith.
"I may not feel it right now, but I'm going to say it,
and I'm going to walk in it," she declared. She read
through the promises of Psalms 23, with each verse
declaring a benefit of walking with the Lord: rewards
like rest, refreshment, healing, guidance, purpose,
challenge, assurance, faith, hope, consecration,
abundance, blessing and inheritance, security and
eternity.
With a song engendered to relay God's own feelings
concerning his creation, she sang the uplifting "My
Beloved", with verses that begin, "From My heart, from
My hand, You were formed for a sacred romance; Image
made, from My own, My beloved. Breath from breath, bone
from bone, Child of life, every daughter and son; You
are where you belong, My Beloved."
Near the end of the morning, Bonnie's counsel centered
on trust in an uncertain world.
"I need Prozac," declared her alter ego. "I need the
Word of God," countered Bonnie.
And she related the story of the adulteress, about to
be stoned, unsupported by her partner in the deed. Her
only defender was Jesus, who stooped to draw in the
dirt, taking the attention from the trembling victim,
while ignoring her accusers who defied Him to defend
her.
"He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a
stone at her," Jesus finally replied, rising. Then,
kneeling once more, He resumed writing in the dust as
the crowd disbursed, leaving Him alone with the woman.
As she allowed she had no longer any accusers, Jesus
said, "Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more."
"He gave her a new sense of herself," said Bonnie. "I
can't trust in me, but I can certainly trust in Him."
She shared a World Vision video that depicted the
suffering of AIDS victims and survivors, which stated 3
million people - five every minute - die of AIDS. On
her newest CD, "God of Many Chances" is the song she
wrote and performed to call attention to the AIDS
crisis; a rendition of Kumbayah done in African rhythms
and with fresh lyrics. Several other songs performed at
the convention are also on the CD, including "Wings to
Fly", a song she co-wrote for Courtney and Graham "
because of all that I am not, and all that God is."
One stanza of the beautiful song is, "Looking back I
see the hand of God is always near;
Angels weave their presence through a tapestry of
years; The echoes of my mother's prayers have now
become my plea; Covering my children with the grace
that covers me."
She cautioned mothers, "You can't be enough for your
children; two parents can't be enough." But, she
continued, the places you can't be, God will be, and
the tears you can't wipe away, God will.
She chose as the closing song, a tune that commands
faith in God: "When God Says No", a song that promises,
"When God says no, He's always saying yes; Yes, I will
protect you; Yes, my child, I know what's best. Yes to
better dreams; You have yet to know; There's always
hidden affirmation; when God says no."
In addition to her "God of Many Chances" CD, many of
Bonnie's best-loved songs are found on her celebrated
CD, "Marked for Life."
Adding to the conference's appeal were enlightening
interpretive drama skits by First Baptist Church Drama
Team members Gisela Hodges, Cheryl Seagraves, and
Melissa Powell. |
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